A Lesson in Three Parts… Part Two

Pretty Fly For a White Guy

He: You know what’s sad? Is that no matter how cool I am, I will never be cool, because there’s no such thing as a cool white guy.

Me: But you’re one of the coolest white guys I know.

He: Yeah, but only in comparison to other white guys. Like, you could take the nerdiest black guy in the world, and he would still be cooler than me, just by default.

Me: That’s true.

He: I know, like I couldn’t go around dressed like a clown and get away with it, and be cool, because I’m white!

Me: But that’s an attitude thing, I think the misconception is that since black guys do that, white America thinks that all black people like it, so it must be cool. The truth is we really think it’s wack too, but we have to be down with our people. Like Andre’ Benjamin.

He: That’s funny, because I wasn’t talking about a clown, like a fool. I was talking about a literal clown, Like Homey D.

Me: Oh! Well that too.

He: Like, because of all the fucked up shit that white people have done, I can’t dress up like a clown, and still be cool.

Me: That’s definitely true.

He: Not that I want to dress like a clown, I just don’t like not having the option.

Me: But what you lose in clown culture, you make up in global domination.

He: Yeah, there’s that, but it’s not clownin’. Clowns help people.

Me: Or scare them.

He: Kind of like white guys.

Me: You speak only the truth.